One of the blessings..

Apparently almost three years ago, I never knew what love is all about..I thought it was just some kind of a must have relationship that a girl and a boy must do..in order to understand the meaning..but everything change since I get to know you..i don't know how to describe it because it feels magic? Weird? Experiencing some breakups makes me wonder How Does It Feels To Have Someone Who Loves You Sincerely and Respectfully and Most Importantly You Yourself Could Feel That Guy Sincerity...above all yes the latter is the most important. It is like the way you can feel your parents' love towards you..their passion..the way they cares about you..the way the always asked you whats wrong and the way your parents always have your back whenever something not good came up..and I do set an intention of I dont wanna meet a  new male friend anymore I just want to stick with the one that I already have..bear in mind that I didnt set anyone, any of my male friend.. All I have in my mind while berniat was merely My Unikl friends..and now I realised that he was one of my close friend at that time.. Since then, it makes me wonder  how this "Niat" things really works and why Allah took my 'niat' seriously and why did He gives me so much blessings that I never thought I would own them now....I think it is so important for us to take care of our Niat in everything we do..because Allah listens and He knows every single thing we do.. and do you know that Allah will help you if you are about to do something good? Like have you ever been in a state of wanted to wake up for Tahajud and then suddenly you wake up in the middle of the night? I think we all have this experience kan :)

Life is about reflecting every single thing around us..
And my thoughts is we have to keep looking and taking care of our own actions, and trying our best to keep doing good..
And set your Niat before anything :)

Ma.

We planned to give her a new television..

Because it's her birthday month..

But instead, she gave us new presents..

:')

Thank you Ma for you never stopped showering us with anything we want ❤️

Thank you Ma for your never ending love and cares as well as your attention to us eventhough we are big enough to think about ourselves.. You are just amazing!

Yes she will be the one who would sacrifice for us..be it money or time or anything despite her workloads..

Whenever I wish to have something that I cannot afford to buy it on my own, she will be the one who  offers to buy them for me...and I can say I got everything I wanted now merely because of her willingness to buy them for me! ❤️

I feel like I could never repay her kindness or be like her..

But I will try my best to at least get that positive attitude from her and pays her back in my own way InsyaAllah 💕

I love you so much Ma ❤️

The meaning of the real love is to ; get closer to Allah

I browsed through an Instagram of this one man who had just lost his beloved wife.

I really could not imagine myself if I were at in his shoes..

Losing the one that you love is..literally unbearable.

And I am really sure Allah tests him because HE loves him.

No other reasons for that.  :)

I like reading their caption.

It's like I am reading this one story of true love ; between a husband and a wife.

The sacrifices he made, and the pain she had to go through..

It is...how sweet. This is the real sweetness. The real love.

From their captions, I could see how deeply they fall into each other..

I'm still in awe. Everytime I open my ig, I would always find myself to go back to their instagram.

It makes me to think that love is not just love. It is more than that.

For me, love is about accepting our loved ones flaws. Sounds cliche I know..but it's true!

And what I love about them are how keen they want to be reunited in Jannah :')

Then I realized, the real love is the one who brings you closer to Allah.

The one who is working his time out to make the relationship halal.

The one who always reminds you to miss Allah and Rasulullah..not him.

The one who trying hard to learn and upgraded his knowledge, especially the crucial part of Islam for the sake of your future.

In the end we all want to be in Jannah..

It hits me when I read this one caption, or maybe a motivation quote. I can't really remember it that well though but I kinda get the idea.. It states....

"If you love someone, you will bring them towards the Jannah..not the other one."

I don't trust this at first because I don't understand it and just pretending that I understand.

Like it was not a big deal and oh ok it was just a quote..

But you know when your other half act differently and he changed slowly..you just knew it.

Figured it out, and I know this is the reason. He was true.

And the moment I realized that Allah sent him to me, revising those caption to me I know Allah wants the best for me. 

And you know, Allah really does not want to punish us.

Allah wants us to be in Jannah..

It strikes me whenever I read the Quran and I read the meaning, there are just like lots of reminder that Allah Maha Pengampun. Allah Maha Penyayang. Allah Maha Pemurah. and Maha means it's really big that none can ever compared to.

Allah wants us to do good deeds because it benefits ourselves. Clearly it benefits us for this temporary dunia and the akhirat :)

When you struggle to bring yourself closer to Allah, you will noticed that your heart is at ease.

All problems easily solved.

Your relationship with human just get better and even more better.

Your daily routine seems to settle easily!

Your heart tends to talk to itself..because you know it was Allah who helped you to settle those things down.

And many more.

I bet you surely know and feel more :)

It is really really special. This connection between us and Allah is so special.

Like none can beat this. Like this heart, our heart is telling us which is wrong which is right.

What should we do and whats not and need to be avoided.

Isn't this is a miracle? This little heart is telling us..and is showing the true way for ourselves.

It shows that your heart really wants you to get closer to Allah..

I find this is why the heart becomes uneasy or not at peace whenever I disobey Allah..

For example, solat procrastination. I named it that way, don't search for it in the dictionary ok! :p

You solat but you tangguh. Tapi Allah tak suka kita tangguhkan solat, dan ianya berdosa!

That is why our heart is not at ease when we delay our solat! 

That is just one example..we can actually figured it more. And I believe we are aware of what we did.

So, please bring yourself closer to Allah..then only you see everything falls perfectly and how magic it could be :)

Just my late night thoughts..

2.55 am, 12jan

The happiest dream!

It was 10 am in the morning..if I'm not mistaken..




Malam sebelumnya I couldn't sleep because I was staying up..trying to sleep in the morning but cannot! Guess the caffeine works so much to my body hehe!



So I had this one dream... I am really sure by far it was the happiest dream that I ever had in my life..




So what is it in that dream sampai claim it was my happiest dream?



hehehehehehehhehe




the dream began....




He was in the car. So then I came and want to enter the car..



He sat on the seat next to the driver..




I stood besides the driver door...




He was taking out something then.....





Then....










then......


















then.......................
















then..................















then...................................

















he showed me THREE RINGS!!!!!!!!!!!











and sambil tunjuk tu, he even said "taraaa tengok ni cincin untuk awak."










Why 3 rings?? I have no idea~ hahahah






I remembered myself in that dream, takdela terkejut and happy sangat..macam "oh ok cincin....."







tapi pelik...






so I said to him "why got three rings?"














He replied.."beli untuk merisik, bertunang dgn kahwin sekali..senang! beli sebab ada promotion."










I said.."why so suddenly?????" 











Masa tu tak terfikir part beli 3 cincin sebab ada promotion hahaha!!











Then I don't know what happen...next dream chapter.....!







**************





I was late...I ran onto the stairs...







Then I saw something happen at the ruang tamu..







I don't know but it was blurry.. what happen pun taktau la but then I heard someone was telling me...








"Tula lambat...rugi tak tengok tadi!"








I was like...searching for the suara all over the place..











Where did it came from???And most importantly, FROM WHOM??









WHO SAID IT? I don't know about that either hahaha!









But I remember myself wearing a white gown dress...with veil on top of my head..







***********



Next chapter..








I suddenly felt happy...Like I don't know how to describe but I felt TRULY HAPPY!!!





Then at one time...





I remembered whispering to myself...







"Oh camni ke perasaannya bertunang & jadi hak milik orang???"










THE END!










Then I woke up with seribu satu persoalan...




What kind of dream is that??!!!!




Dahla in the middle of study week lagi! hahaha

Pastu takleh go nya, those 3 rings dibeli time promotion???? what?? agakla hahaha




I saved here sebab benda ni meaningful. Teehee. Bukan selalu nak dapat mimpi macamni. :D








************


To be truth, I didn't think anything related to marriage now sebab dah selalu sangat ditanya and selalu sangat disuruh kahwin because-I-am-the-oldest.





So sebab dah selalu kena tanya, hati ni dah macam kebal dah haha!




Kalau dulu sikit2 nak terasa..sikit2 nak touching bila degree tak habis orang lain dah habis pastu boleh kahwin awal blablablabla.



Pastu macam wait...keadaan sekarang ni macam belum membenarkan untuk ke arah itu so why you stress sangat sebab orang sekeliling dah kahwin? Nak berlumba ek sape kahwin dulu?



Perasan tak banyak je benda yang belum dicapai lagi?
Perasan tak kahwin tu bermaksud menambah tanggungjawab?
Perasan tak kahwin tu perlukan ilmu?



Honestly dah redha tak kisahla nak kahwin bila but not now la :)



Not even close to engaged because we once pernah la discuss taknak engaged, nak terus je! haha jimat




Lagipun kita taktau siapa jodoh kita kan. Nak berangan lebih2 takde gunanya tapi doa semoga dia tu jodoh kita wajib ada :)







But still, itu the best mimpi! haha kbai until next entry inshaaAllah :)



Assalamualaikum! :)

study week part 1 - semester 3

HTV
BI
SHE
BIOSTAT
PENGAJIAN ISLAM


I'm making coffee for myself now :)

Semoga semua soalan exam senang lah hendaknya Aamiin :)

Hampir empat tahun.

Assalamualaikum :)

Bulan Oktober 2016 ni genap empat tahun saya kenal awak. Masuk UniKL Julai 2012. Tempoh empat tahun ni adalah kenal yang betul-betul kenal daripada stranger. Banyak yang saya belajar dari awak sepanjang perkenalan kita.

Tak sure samada awak ingat atau tak kita kenal dah nak masuk empat tahun sebab awak bukan jenis yang suka kira mengira nih kan hehe.. tapi bagi saya saya suka sangat kira sebab setiap tahun tu berharga :) Saja saya nak save semuanya kat sini supaya bila-bila nanti boleh baca balik. Ni pun ingat-ingat lupa time menaip ni ^-^

Waktu orientasi UniKL, awak lelaki pertama yang saya terpandang and judge playboy. Padahal ramai je lelaki lain kat situ. Bila difikir balik kenapa la saya terfikirkan awak, sampai sekarang tak ada jawapan. So it goes all the way..zaman Kledang saya nampak awak turun bas, naik bas. Awak tahu saya selalu tengok awak keluar makan malam naik kereta melalui tingkap. I always saw you. Memang sengaja pergi dekat tingkap lepas maghrib camtu semata-mata nak tengok awak haha. Paling malu bila awak tahu saya tengok so takpelah bye haha.

Ada satu moment yang mana bas nak ke u kita, and you were in front of me. I stood behind you and tulah pertama kali saya berdiri dekat. Ada banyak moment masa kita berkawan biasa tu yang membuatkan saya malu sendiri sebab awak tahu semuanya pasal saya. So takpelah malu lagi so bye haha.

Ada moment masa study week. I asked you to buy makanan kucing and I waited. Bila sampai, then awak pun pass makanan tu melalui pagar. My heart beating so fast la time tu. Nasib tak lupa segala ilmu yang dah study haha. I still remember, you wore long sleeves black shirt, black cap, seluar pun black semua lah black. And you were carrying something on your back tak ingat dah apa dia. I just smiled. Masuk rumah Allah je tahu how I felt. And awak tahu saya happy masa tu so malu lagi so takpelah bye haha.

Saya bersyukur sebab boleh berkawan dengan lelaki sebaik dan sejujur awak. Walaupun orang kata masa berkawan ni biasanya memang tak tunjuk semua tapi saya tetap percaya dengan apa yang saya rasa. So far baru berkawan setahun lebih, rasanya ujian haritu lah yang terbesar sekali. And it was all from me. Tapi betapa awak nak jugak mengaku yang itu berpunca daripada awak. Masa tu rasa serba salah sangat..In fact now pun still ada lagi rasa serba salah bila teringat and I try to learn and appreciate setiap apa je yang awak buat untuk saya. I once asked you apa dia je ujian yang biasanya orang berhubungan ni akan alami, awak jawab kita tak tahu apa akan jadi tapi akan ada ujian tu. So from now, saya cuba jaga dari segala segi supaya bila ujian tu melanda, we will always remain as a team :)

The way awak support saya, membebel bila saya cerita problems sebenarnya saya suka :) Saja perli-perli sebab jarang nak jumpa lelaki yang suka membebel ni hehe. Bila awak balik kerja penat-penat, saya cuba untuk tak kacau sebab faham awak penat tapi tuptup awak je yang selalu start dulu. Still tanya dah makan ke atau how was my day etc. When I'm on my 'leave', hanya Allah dan awak je tahu perangai saya macam mana haha. Spamming whatsapp non-stop, boleh moody tiba-tiba balas sepatah-sepatah padahal dengan abah mama saya ok je tapi bila nampak je whatsapp awak naik terus berubah jadi budak-budak. Dengan harapan awak akan pujuk + bagi perhatian. And you did :)

Bila awak balik training penat-penat, saya cuba untuk tak kacau awak jugak. So what I did was, I will wait. Wait wait wait. Kalau after 12 am tak ada means awak dah tidur and saya okay je :) Tapi macam biasa, benda tu takkan jadi sebab awak yang akan selalu tanya or start the conversation first asking me macam soalan tadi. Walaupun awak penat, tapi still awak ingat saya. In a way, saya rasa dihargai :) Always rasa dihargai. Rasa tu tetap sama macam sejak 2012 dulu. And I hope it will kekal sampai bila-bila InShaaAllah :)

I think I learned something from you. Always kena ada rasa jujur + appreciate partner. It needs two, not one :)

Now that you are working, saya tahu awak kerja sungguh-sungguh walaupun kerja tu awak kata buat badan awak malas-malas etc. Sebab awak kan suka bergerak, tak macam saya ni haha. Awak suka isi hari-hari awak dengan aktiviti yang pada saya patutnya awak rehat je duduk rumah sebab itu je cuti yang awak ada. Tapi cara kita fikir lain so ikut awak lah nak bergerak banyak-banyak pun haha. Degil awak saya boleh tahan lagi sebab bila saya membebel, that shows yang saya ni hampir tak tahan sebab risaukan awak je sebenarnya. Macam awak nak sangat main bola walaupun badan sakit2 dengan alasan bila main bola tu boleh elokkan sakit tu, em apa lagi eh. Banyak la sebenarnya. Bab migrain belum masuk lagi, still insist nak drive jugak walaupun migrain.            

-_________-"

I'm not perfect. Kadang rasa macam awak ni baik sangat untuk saya, terlalu baik tapi taknak la tengok awak dengan orang lain hahah so takpelah kita proceed k haha. Ada masa-masanya saya down pun awak akan selalu ada..bukan bermaksud family tu tak ada cuma bila di waktu-waktu tertentu saya lebih selesa share dengan awak :)

 The way awak jaga family, adik-adik pun dah cukup buat saya impress. Saya bersyukur :) Apa je benda yang awak buat tak buat saya happy? :') Saya jarang sangat bagitau sebab rasa macam tak penting so I save them here. Bila awak share masalah, itulah perkara paling best saya rasa sebab awak share dengan saya. The feeling of..oh he trusted me....Erm atau benda tu bukan big issue? Ok complicatednya saya haha. I always said kesiannya awak dapat orang pelik macam saya ;D. Seingat saya, awak tak pernah perli saya tapi saya selalu je perli awak so saya nak mintak maaf secara tertutup la kat sini. Boleh? Tu pun kalau awak baca la :p



Remember when I suddenly send,
"Awk tq utk semuanya :)"?



Entri ni sambungannya :)

Untuk 4 tahun sebelumnya, dan tahun-tahun akan datang..

Terima kasih awak :)

Semoga selalu kuat untuk bekerja!

Sincerely, 

Your very very very very very very very very very very clingy human

Assalamualaikum!

Dreams

Assalamualaikum :)



I have that one dream that I really want to make it happen..because I love doing it so much eventhough it is tiring..but my parents and my brother doesn't really approve that..


For so many times, my parents had always always told me the same thing and I realize things that they said are the one they hope from me.


They want me to make it happen. Not because of them but for my own benefit. Often they finished their words with, "This is all for your own benefit..stand on your own. Don't hope from others.."


Baru sedar parents hopes on myself is high. Really high. Jadi tak salah kalau capai and buat apa yang mereka nak sebab after all ianya untuk kebaikan diri sendiri. Lagi bagus kalau boleh bind sekali dengan impian sendiri hehe.. Tu yang what I'm trying to prove to them currently sebelum memasuki ke alam yang lain in future. Mcm juggling between two works :)



Jarang sekali I sit and talked with my youngest brother. Rasanya dah lama tak lepak and berborak about life and future planning. Last time lepak2 was maybe 5 years ago where my older brother was there too..Time constraint.


We're too busy for this life..so the other day I followed him to the dentist. He took his MC on that day. Arriving home, I choose to sat down.


This is where those little talks went in. It was inspiring. It is. Seriously it is. I have never thought that my youngest brother ni would be so motivated in planning his future..more than me. I even felt motivated and wanna be like him as I heard all of his plans.. He wants to do this and this.. Bersyukur je we had that small talks sebab it really change the way I think.



Dulu ingat adik taknak sambung sebab he's like more into working..getting his diploma done in this year he said he wants to pursue his studies lagi.. Itu dah cukup buat kakak dia ni terkejut hehe. Lagi terkejut bila dengar his plannings in future.. Bila masa tah dia terfikir benda2 camni..



I used to think that in this life, you have to get a degree. At least. And then you work, get married, having kids and then workkkk till I dont know when. Mmg itu normal flow kan..typical.


But after reading such inspiring stories on facebook of how fresh graduates seeking for a job and the way they start on not choosing job after their convos are just amazing..they worked hard from below and then as time passed they finally got their dream job even benda tu amik masa lama.


It's okay for them because they have the experience before reaching such level..and in this matter, satisfaction are the key :)


Bayangkan bekerja bukan dalam bidang study dulu, kemudian after konvo decide untuk kerja and taknak menganggur kemudian bekerja pulak bukan dalam bidang dipelajari kemudian in future finally dapat dream job tu or dapat kerja yang gaji selesa, how to not feel satisfy :)



This change my perceptions because...there were some things happened which making me to feel motivated about ilmu ni.




Masa hari raya haritu, my relatives were asking me about ubat2..tokki tak sihat so they asked me indications, masa makan, boleh patah dua ke tak etc. Words like "lisa tau, sbb dia belajar dulu.. Lisa la bagi ubat tu.." are seriously comforting :')



Ubat2 yg ditanya tu are the simple ones..I admit I forgot some of them that I had to search about them soon after that. Not for them but for me. It's like I did that because I want to know what is it..sort of like tak puas hati dgn diri sendiri sebab tak tahu ubat tu untuk apa.



Then I came to realize ilmu masa belajar dulu tu tak sepatutnya dilupakan begitu sahaja. And disebabkan dulu selalu down sebab tak dapat sambung for this course, I have a better way of telling myself in accepting it :)



Ini semua hikmah daripada rasa tak puas hati mencari nama ubat tu.



 I told myself,



 "Just because I don't study pharmacy anymore, doesn't mean that I cannot study about it on my own self. The notes are there..tinggal nak bukak, baca balik and taknak je. Jangan merajuk dgn diri sendiri. Jangan marah dgn diri sendiri. Allah choose you to be in this way. Just because I don't pursue my pharmacy course, doesn't mean that I should just leave the ilmu, throw all notes, and forget all knowledge I got from my diploma. I can always learn everything back for my own sake..for my own knowledge. In turns, maybe I can share everything I know to the people around me too. In turns, maybe I can get a job as pharmacy assistant or working in this course ke in future." :)



Im just this weird. It took me a long time to heal from this.. The process..are..just..hard.. Lagi2 bila jumpa student yang sambung kos ni dekat u sana. I don't show my emotions. I keep it to myself, blaming myself and merajuk pastu marah sorang2.


I even became like this to him like I've never told him I am angry ke merajuk ke terasa ke I just snapped and then silent. But he always knew the reason before I told him..:D



I really think ilmu tu tak terbatas di waktu student life sahaja. Not only in university life but in THIS LIFE. Ilmu Allah tu luas.



Carilah sebanyak mana ilmu.. Ilmu menjahit ke ilmu bisnes ke ilmu menyelam ke ilmu memasak ke or anything selagi benda tu tak bercanggah dengan Islam.



Cari dan study dan amalkan ilmu yg boleh improve diri sendiri menjadi hamba Allah yang lebih baik dan ilmu yang memberi manfaat utk semua orang..



Bind it with experience. Do any kind of jobs.seek experience. Biar penat tapi penat yang berpengalaman yg terbaik untuk diri sendiri. Move. Move out of your comfort zone.



You can only plan what to do in your life, but Allah also has a better plans for you :)

Raya 2016 & the beach!

Assalamualaikum :)



It has been a long time since I went to the beach..  Enjoy the scenes below! :)

Still loving pharmacy and, will always be :)

It makes me happy when people ask me how to take this ubat.. How to apply.. On what time.. Apa kegunaan dia.. I love explaining to them :)




Eventhough tak amik farmasi dah, Alhamdulillah masih dapat merasa share ilmu pasal ubat dengan orang sekeliling. I feel appreciated kejap haha. Betul la bila orang kata ilmu tu tak terbatas masa kita belajar tu je, kalau guna betul2 lepas habis belajar still boleh guna and share dengan orang.




I used to feel down sebab tak dapat sambung. Lagi2 course yang ni amik masa 4 tahun but I can see the hikmah behind all these. Even orang kata lama lagi sebab habis degree pun umur nanti dah pertengahan 20-an insyaAllah, tapi selalu mintak hati ni kuat bila orang kata camtu. Anggap je dorang ni tak sabar nak tengok kita gembira naik pelamin tu hehe :)



My prinsip is, kalau kita nak gembira kita kena fikir baik2 and ada sikap yang baik. InsyaAllah nanti orang2 sekeliling kita pun datang and cakap yang baik2 je dengan kita.

Raya!

Assalamualaikum :)


How was your raya so far? :) Mine was so-so.. Atuk got admitted on malam raya because he's not feeling well so everyone here wasn't really that excited to celebrate the raya.. It was 12.30 pm and we were all justtttt about to sleep.


Just as I turned the lights off, my aunt got a call from my uncle who look after my grandfather about his condition. My uncle said my grandfather wasn't responding when he talked to him. His pressure risen up and he barely moved.



Us, at my aunt's quickly wore tudung and chaos happened jugak for few minutes. Serius kelam kabut sikit haha and we were asking each other sape nak jaga rumah sape nak jaga budak2 kecik yg tidur tu. Then, we rushed ourselves to uncle's to see atuk.



It was 12.45 pm and my uncle's family were there besides atuk. They gave him panadol. Tapi badan atuk tetap panas. There were small wet towel on his forehead.



Everyone was there. Pastu, sepupu dgn pakcik rushed pergi hospital panggil ambulans. 20 minutes camtu, dua org MA sampai.



They checked him and said kena bawak pergi hospital.. Short story short, atuk kena warded for a day.. Semua org risau and yes we are happy bila atuk keluar dari wad sebab senang nak jaga bila kat rumah compare kat hospital. He's getting better no Alhamdulillah :)



My raya was.. Ok... Alhamdulillah :) sebabnya I don't expect much on this raya. Actually setiap raya pun tak berharap nk best2 mcm time kecik2 dulu haha. Bila dah makin besar, memang rasa beraya tu kurang dah. Another thing is, soalan2 cepumas tu yg selalu ditanya.. I like to just smile and cakap lama lagi padahal dalam hati nak je di usia2 ku yg masih dalam kategori muda ni :p


Raya kalini lagi suka duduk rumah tengok tv berebut remote tv dgn bebudak kecik cinonet2 tu pastu buat air bila kengkawan sepupu datang.. :D




Selamat Hari Raya semua orang! Assalamualaikum :)


#ganukiter