Of third week and ambition :)

Assalamualaikum.

I'm on my break now Alhamdulillah dapat jugak rehat :) Third week adalah minggu perkenalan kepada jenis-jenis kesibukan yang bakal dilalui oleh kebanyakan pelajar first year. Sebenarnya we ourselves yang tentukan nak ke tak join aktiviti-aktiviti atau program-program yang ada. It's all on us. Kalau ikutkan hati memang nak duduk kat bilik je rehat study makan tidur tapi tak best la camtu..Peluang dah ada depan mata jadi involvekan semampu boleh. Sekarang sebab dah masuk yang ketiga, kokurikulum pun bermula setiap Isnin dan Khamis. So I need an extra energy hehehe

Semalam ada Hari Interaksi Kelanasiswa untuk intake 2015/2016. Bermula jam 8-11 malam. I had two classes before this activity..memang penat. But the program was amazing. We had this ice breaking session divided into more than four activities. It was really good getting to know new friends from other courses. My groupmates were awesome and sporting gila! We killed the cheers part eventhough we only prepared for 10 -15 minutes. Terus hilang penat walaupun balik pukul 11 malam :) 

What made me to think is..the moment where the head of the program told us to write our ambition on a piece of paper. Spontaneously my chinese friend besides me said slowly.."Ala..sy takde cita-cita la.." I laughed and I said.."Same..me too..jadilah ape-ape je nanti haha.." and she laughed and agreed. 

I already change my ambition. Boleh tak tukar? Haha. My new and permanent ambition is to make my parents happy and proud with me. I'll follow whatever that they want me to be as long as that would make they feel proud and happy and blessed for having me as their daughter hihihihi. My mother has always told me to become a lecturer in future because she said it was easy then I came to encounter the way my lecturers taught us for this past few weeks. It was so simple. 

Bring your laptop -> Insert your pendrive -> Stand in front of the students -> Explained every slides

Is it THAT simple? NO because you need to have a higher knowledge so you can answer your students' doubts about every topics. 

To be honest, at the first place I really hate it whenever I heard my mom told me to become a lecturer because my used-to-be ambition was a pharmacist but nevermind let's just skip that part.

But now, I kinda find myself.....love explaining things..talking to myself whenever I studied....and talk as if I had all this people in front of me..and suprisingly my confidence level is raising whenever I did these actions. It's like..you know..some weird things is happening but let's just wait what I will be in future :D

You know, to me don't narrow down your ambition scope. You can be whatever you want. I've seen people with degree, masters or even PhD doing business(countless) and they excel in both fields. I feel so motivated to see this thing is happening and it taught me to be an open-minded person because it's you who determines what you want to be. 

My Ecology lecturer said to us earlier this morning..

"You're gonna have to choose your major on your third year and you will need to choose 8 courses such Microbiology, Aquatic and Marine, BioTech, Zoology, Botany and many more. There are outdoor and indoor work for each of these major. You know, it is so hard to determine between your PASSION and THE WORKING DEMAND because this days it is hard to get a job that meet your passion. If you get a job that meet your passion then you need to be grateful. For me, I choose Ecology because it is my passion. I have a high interest in this subject and I get to stand here because I choose my passion. So for me, choose your passion and think deeply about the major that you are going to take. It determines the whole thing about your degree and for me, if you choose to continue with your passion you are going to succeed because the employers are searching for an employee that are passionate with their work. Not the kind of 8 to 5 working. When we choose to follow what we want, we will do it sincerely and not just by taking it as A JOB.."

I went to SPICE last weekend for an educational talk. Diana Amir, Fynn Jamal and some other inspiring people were also there.

What Diana Amir said..

"Choose your passion and stick to it..Tapi kena tengok balik minat tu bercanggah ke tak dengan apa yang Allah suruh..macam saya yang jadi pelakon dulu, memang saya minat sangat-sangat..kehidupan saya berubah totally lepas drama Sunsilk Impian..tapi itu bukan apa yang Allah suka..Jadi, ianya bagus untuk ada impian dan minat. Tapi tengok balik samada Allah redha ke tak dengan impian kita sebab at the of the day, kita semua akan mati."

What Fynn Jamal said..

"Akak masuk UIA sebab ayah suruh. Bagi akak ayah adalah segala-galanya. Kalau korang tanya akak takpe ke kalau tak ikut impian sendiri tapi melaksanakan impian orang, bagi akak itu takpe sebab ada banyak hikmah kenapa akak masuk u dulu walaupun akak tak suka. Akak rasa waste kalau akak tak membahagiakan ayah sebab ini impian dia walaupun ini bukan apa yang akak nak. Bila dah habis belajar baru akak mula melaksanakan impian sendiri and buat apa yang akak memang nak buat. So kat situ dah win-win sebab ayah akak happy akak dapat capai impian dia and akak dapat buat apa akak nak..Ianya terpulang kepada diri masing-masing. Plan untuk future itu bagus tapi jangan berharap sebab kita tak tahu apa yang jadi akan datang. Be happy with the present."

Be happy with the present.

Buat apa nak buat dulu.

Don't worry too much about the future.

Ok? :)

Some random things.....about my life....currently....that I have to meet these everyday......

Jalan setiap hari nak balik hostel kalau malas nak naik bas/bas lambat. Macam Cameron lagi2 kalau lepas hujan :D takde strawberi and coklat je haha

I love this shoes sooooooooooo much! Thank you arukas <3 :)

Kisah haritu bila kelas pukul 9 pagi tapi aku terbangun pukul 8.04 minit pagi. Perjalanan nak tunggu bas memakan masa lebih kurang half an hour so fikir la camne tak kelam kabut iols bersiap semalam. Rasa nak pakai telekung je tau pergi kelas semalam haha! Iols pakai la skirt sebab ingat tak hujan sekali hujan..so lagi la kelam kabut sebab skirt leceh sikit. Tunggu bas pertama Alhamdulillah sampai ke perhentian bas kedua jam 8.30 pagi. Tunggu bas kedua untuk ke dewan kuliah tak sampai2 gak sampai dah pukul 8.50 so iols jalan kaki je dari padang kawad dengan berpayung. Alhamdulilah pukul 9.05 minit pagi sampai2 je lecturer tak masuk lagi hihi :)

*my date* *orangdepantakde* *orangdepankatkajang* *sadlife*

<3

Sekali lagi, gambar nak naik hostel. Bezanya tadi takde orang ni ramai orang hahaha





Ok bai nak siapkan slide bio.


Assalamualaikum!

Hai biologi

Assalamualaikum.




Orientasi dah habis and semua student boleh qada' tidur dengan jayanya. Itu adalah orientasi paling penat pernah dilalui sepanjang menjadi seorang pelajar. Masa UniKL dulu takde camni, in fact lagi best sebab kat Pangkor and balik tidur awal. Kalini everyday selama seminggu balik tidur pukul 2.30 pagi and the exact sleep time was 3.30 sebab bila balik nak mandi, solat and prepare barang2 untuk esoknya. Then kena berkumpul pukul 6.30 or 7.30 pagi. Untuk yang masa hari berkumpul jam 6.30 pagi tu yang paling penat sangat. Tidur tak cukup, bila bangun rasa nak tidur je lagi. I had this in my mind, nak ponteng je boleh tak hahaha tapi tak berani nak buat. Ok maybe tak tiring untuk korang tapi ianya memenatkan untuk diri ini.. T_T Tapi semua itu sudah berakhir pastu tiba2 rindu plak time orientasi huhuhuhu




My everyday dialogue here adalah, kos mana, nama apa, nak nombor boleh tak, umur berapa, jgn panggil akak tau, panggil nama je, unikl farmasi, x amik farmasi sbb tak lepas fizik, kalau nak amik jugak kena repeat fizik bagi dapat B, tula takpe tak kisah tak dpt sambung farmasi sbb kos lebih kurang je....... Ok tu la dialog harian aku hahaha :D Tang umur tu biasanya aku yg start tanya "19 kan?" Pastu diorang pun akan tanya aku sebaya ke then aku akan cakap tak, saya 21 hehehe. Then dorang akan cakap tak macam 21 pun hihihi sebab tu aku mengelak bila orang tanya umur haha. Budak diploma ada jugak cuma takde yg dari unikl. Politeknik ramai and apa yg best pasal u ni adalah dia amik semua student dari semua peringkat. Means dia amik jugak dari diploma :) Aku call u2 lain masa praktikal haritu (taknakmentionuapa) semua taknak budak diploma. So masa tu aku kecewa gila sebab tak tahu nak buat apa dgn hidup aku ni hahaha. So masa nk mohon u ni pun, aku tak berharap dapat sebab aku main hantar je result sem satu sampai sem lima which is aku tak bagi apa dia nak and aku ikut sukahati aku je nak bagi apa aku ada! Haha tapi tulah, rezeki.. Rezeki yg tidak disangka-sangka Alhamdulillah :)  Aku seolah-olah rasa doa aku dijawab dan Allah bagi apa yang aku nak selama ni cuma TIMING. Dan kita sebagai hambaNYA kena SABAR TUNGGU DAN TERUS DOA.





Esok start kelas and aku dah prepare semua benda. Baju aku dah iron siap2 itu pun penat paksa diri hahaha sebab aku kan tak suka iron baju.. Tudung pun aku cari yang takyah gosok hihi tapi kena la rajin jugak sebab nanti in future aku kena gosok elok2 gak sebabbbbb bangcap punya style, baju dia kena kemas dan digosok elok.. Which is far from what I think and far from what I always did...aku kalau asal tak nampak kedut ok dah :p





Kemudahan kt sini semuanya lengkap Alhamdulillah.




1- Bilik iron, washing machine and water machine ada di setiap tingkat.



2- Ada lif untuk tingkat 5 dan ke atas. Iols tingkat 5 so boleh naik lif hihihi



3- Bilik besar dan duduk dua org. Roomate kita kos akaun and dia 19 tahun and dia dgn family dia baik sangat  :)



4- Ada 8 hostel atau sini panggil desasiswa. 5 kat dalam 3 kat luar. Yes iols kena duduk yang dekat luar punya huhuhu tapi ada bas jangan risau and ada jejantas yang menghubungkan hostel luar ni dengan main campus.



5- Tak boleh bawak kereta. Rasanya second year nak duduk luarrrrrrrrrr.




6- Kelas tak pack kalau tengok jadual. Berbanding diploma dulu, setiap hari ada kelas and kelas bersambung sambung tapi kalini Alhamdulillah tak. U ni ada kokurikulum and kita masuk pengakap atau kelanasiswa hihihi.



7- U ni penuh dengan aktiviti2 setiap minggu and september ni je dah banyak festival, event, konsert2, pertandingan antara hostel, event talk dekat Spice Penang and banyak lagi la. Sabtu Ahad tu memang keluar la jawabnya..U kerajaan mmg camni sebab kengkawan yg duduk uia, um, ump semua sibuk setiap minggu.



8- Iols dah sunburn. Sekian.




Sekian untuk hari ini. Nanti free kita update lagi! Sori tak letak gambar sebab tak dapat log in identiti untuk student u ni pastu faham tak semua student dah boleh main u ni punya wireless siap boleh tengok youtube lagi huhuhuhu sis masih lagi menggunakan internet celcom hmm taknak la cakap dah kbye Assalamualaikum! *:)*

Ready keeeeeeeeeeee tuuuuuuuuu

I only have few days left until my registration date which will be the next Monday. Yes it will be held on the National Day. All documents have been prepared and arranged and not to forget I already put them in one special bag..just for the oh-a-bunch of a lot of  files together with the certificates. The clothes have been folded and I'm just waiting the right time to put them in the luggage as there are still a number of clothes that I haven't wash yet. (blame me for being so busy ehyeke busy -___-)

I know I supposed to feel excited, happy, having high self-confident, grateful and blessed and everything but  unfortunately those feelings hasn't come yet..sadly. They did come but that was like two weeks ago the moment the result was released. Right now, I feel quite anxious, nervous, low self-confidence, a little bit stress, a little bit moody, a little bit I-don't wanna do this- and you name all those negative emotions. Not really emotion..but maybe yes emotion and thinking.  

So I went back to my hometown few days ago attending my cousin's wedding and I met almost all my relatives and it was really good to see them. Because I haven't seen them for quite a time and they were asking me what I did now, have I finished my diploma study and what are my plan after this. I told them I will be pursuing my studies for another 4 years and they gave me those wow-four-years-that-was-really-really-long-because-you-already-took-the-diploma-so-why face..



They were asking me WHY...and I was like (in my mind) what is wrong with four years? I'm just 21 for my own sake. I don't know. Maybe they are afraid that I'll get married late because if I'm still alive for the next 5 years, I will be 26 and maybe at such age I would be married. They also asked me why I didn't took the same course and I told them everything. Some of them said it was a waste because I didn't continue learning my diploma course which is pharmacy and I swear it tears my heart to pieces...more than everything. T___T



I had low self-confidence after that. I kept thinking whether is it really a waste for me to learn another course for four years? They want me to get married early? They want me to finish study early so I can get married early? Why is that they didn't and never ask me whether I'm ready for such stage which carries a very huge responsibilities because once I'm married, I have to prepare myself to become a mother and just so you know, raising another human isn't an easy task. It is a lifelong process.



 But if Allah already set that I will marry early, never in my mind I would push that..Who doesn't want to get married early/at this age with a stable life?? Kan?!!! But only if.. And then, even if I'm ready, do you think my other half would be ready too? He needs to have a stable life too battling with the unstable economy currently and having to juggle everything at once at my age and at his age is not easy. If only you guys could understand...this is one of the reason why I didn't feel excited for my registration date.


 So I told him this and he did advice me with a very long message. Some of his words that I have to share were this :

1) It is not a waste for you to learn another course for another four years.. Menuntut ilmu adalah wajib. Apa-apa ilmu sekalipun. Untuk ambil kos yang sama, tanya diri sendiri sanggup atau tak untuk satu lagi usaha yang tidak ada kepastian.

2) About getting married.. no matter how early we plan, we must not forget that Allah is the one who makes everything possible. If Allah set that you will marry before you finish your studies, then you can't change that but to accept it. If Allah set that you will marry at the age of 34 or at any age, you have to accept that too. We plan but we must not forget that Allah has HIS plans too. HIS plans are better than us because HE knows everything..

3) Jangan dengar cakap orang. Ni jalan yang Allah dah tetapkan. Usaha, Istiqamah, Doa, Tawakal. 

4) Banyak pengajaran, pengalaman dan ilmu akan didapati di sana. 

5) Make your parents dream and your dream come true first. Don't waste this chance to learn another course just because you listen to some words that brings you down. 

6) Jangan terlalu fikir apa orang cakap dan apa orang nak. Just be yourself. 

7) Buat apa yang nak dibuat dulu, baru fikir hal lain.

For me actually since I wrote the previous post about this on July or June, this is okay and I already accept the fact that I can't continue to learn pharmacy because I already learned that for three years. I feel satisfied because not only I learned the theory...



I went to practical for a year and I feel happy that I learned almost everything that I want to know and that I have this a little bit of the medicines' knowledge like the pharmacy system/store/every drug sections/drugs' classification/the calculation and every single thing that I've been questioning about drugs and medicines. I love pharmacy so much. More than other course.


But I also love Biology and there hasn't any level that differ these two courses. 50-50 for these two. Right now, for this degree course is something that I love since I was in secondary school- Biology. So I guess it is okay for me to learn two things because I love both course. As for the u's itself, my parents are the happiest person on earth and I wouldn't trade anything for that. Even if I'm not so passionate about this course, I mean ONLY IF I'M NOT  but if my parents are happy with this offer I would study this just for them.


I'm just 21 and I want to do what I want to do before I have to commit with the non-stop commitment. (if u know what I mean)

Ok so the last thing is..does having a boyfriend makes you want to marry early? The answer is yes and no. Yes because who doesn't want to be together with your other half for the rest of your life? Yes because I did thought of the theme and the wedding dress and everything once I flipped through the magazines and the moment I scrolled my news feed and seeing my seniors and my friends who are at my age or older a year than me being a bride. Yes a young bride..Yes because you feel like want to do things that only married couples can do like touching each other without having to think the sin because you both already halal each other. 

WHY NO? No because I didn't achieve my dream yet. No because I'm not ready to carry the responsibilities. No because it took a lot of things that needs to be prepare like money, house and ourself itself must be filled with a good religion's knowledge and other things.. No because I didn't marry early to just for fun. No because I haven't fulfill my parents' dream yet. No because I have lots of things to do for example ; study and working on my own. No because I have to pass my parents' test and it is not easy. It's like having thousands of questions to answer. As much as I want to marry early, I realized it took a lot of things to be prepared...So I said no and having a boyfriend at this age doesn't mean you WILL be a young bride. Tak semestinya. 

****************************

I thank you if you succeed on reading this entry. I haven't been on myself for the past few days which is something rare but I'm slowly recovering currently.. I apologize if you find that this entry was a little bit stress or it causes you to feel that I'm angry or moody or stress because that are just how myself now.


 My mind are filled with this sort of negative emotions and I hope I can move them out of my head. I hope you get something from this entry. 

I just want to stress that don't question what some people had choose to do with their life. You don't know what they have been through or how hard it was for them to get things that they have now. It took them for years (like me) to receive such offer at such u..I did this for my parents and for myself.



Don't be so negative. Don't show your reactions that might brings them down.. Their choice is what Allah has already set for them. And every single thing that they choose, if Allah wills that means it is the best for them. 

Kalau ALLAH izinkan, maknanya itu yang terbaik.

Dalam pada ALLAH izinkan, tak bermakna perjalanan hidupnya akan menjadi mudah dan gembira.

Hamba itu pasti akan diuji dengan berbagai-bagai ujian dan dugaan.

Naik turun kehidupan, bahagia dan gembira, semuanya dengan satu matlamat.....---->>>

Untuk kembali kepada-NYA.

Assalamualaikum.

#cantwaitforadipndip

#orikeameatball

#ormaybesomecookiesandawalkatthelake

#Imbeingcomplicatedagain

#dontworrybecausethiswillendsoon

#arukaswemightnotgonnaseeeachotherforacoupleofmonths

#ibegyoupleasetakecareofyourself

#iissadokishouldstopwritingbye

Enam perkara

Bersihnya hati seseorang itu terletak kepada enam perkara :

1- Tilawah Al-Quran dan tadabbur. 

2- Banyak mengosongkan perut berlapar. Buktinya Al-Quran kerap dibacakan ketika Ramadhan walaupun perut sedang berlapar.

3- Bangun di sepertiga malam dan biasakan berwuduk sebelum tidur kerana wuduk itu membangkitkan semangat kita untuk beribadat kepada Allah SWT.

4- Solat sunat fajar dua rakaat itu lebih utama dari mendapat dunia dan seluruh isinya.

5- Selalu duduk dengan orang soleh. Cukup dengan mencari orang baik yang menjaga lisannya, yang sering duduk dalam masjid, sering berzikir dan sebagainya.

6- Makan dari sumber yang halal. Sumber makanan yang baik akan menjadikan hati yang baik. Dalam makanan yang haram ibarat najis. Sedangkan pakaian yang bernajis boleh buat ibadat kita ditolak, inikan pula darah daging kita yang bernajis kerana makan dari sumber yang haram. 

#gambargoogle:)

Hai Penang :)

I love Penang.. See you in two weeks insyaAllah dear Penang! :)



*stress siapkan dokumen99999 pastu bantai tengok movie Battleship jap padahal banyak lagi kerja kena buat (-________________________-)""

11 Ogos(result) :)

Assalamualaikum.




The last time I ever felt that nervous was 3 years ago.. That time I was waiting to check the result on UPU.. Still UniKL wasn't my choice at the first place.. I sent the documents because my mom told me to do so.. Because she said, who knows I might get the place to be part of UniKL.. And she was right.. The power of mom's prayer has beated everything.. I get the offer to do pharmacy in UniKL and that's where I found myself to love this course more than any other course that I thought I was in love at.. It is hard to find what suits me at that time because I received many opinions regarding what course suits me or which course suits me better.. Some said I'm good in Mathematics, some said I'm good in Science and some even encouraged me to be a teacher.. Honestly, being a teacher was my ambition back in 2006 until 2011.. But it seems like I manage to understand things and saw the effort that comes from my mom and my grandfather who didn't really wanted me to become a teacher.. Because they said it was tiring.. At that time I questioned their reactions because my mom itself is a teacher and my grandfather used to be a headmaster so they should stress me on becoming a teacher.. But maybe they know the real 'tiring' workloads of becoming such but what I see in my life now, working is tiring.. No matter what your job is, it is tiring and it should be tiring :) Being a jobless is also tiring you know haha




So I had this nervous and other unwanted feelings for a couple of days before the result is released. It was tiring to feel this.. Because it affects me in so many ways haha.. I even lost my appetite for a while because I think too much about the result.. The panic got even worse on one day before the day that is Sunday, 10 August. I had insomnia, stomach ache, and overthinking phase which causes me to feel panic even more.. But after that I did eat like I usually do hehe.. To add more, I opened the U's facebook which they had all this updates and countdown pictures which gave me all these goosebumps on my neck.. It was exciting to read all the candidates comments and knowing the fact that they were also as nervous as I am haha.. Some said they had insomnia and some even asked whether they could die because of the heart beated too fast.. This comment wins..




It was Tuesday and that means the day has come.. I only had two hours of sleeping and I woke up like a zombie.. After sending my mother, I can't even sleep in the morning.. I mean, I thought I would feel tired and that I need to have some sleep to replace my sleepless night but no.. It isn't happened.. I just happened to eat breakfast like a king, did the laundry and making myself tired because I confidently thought maybe this way would prevent me from overthink and had all this nervous feelings to at least disappeared for a while.. It works but only for a minute.. 12.00noon..So the time has come and I opened the website through my mobile phone at 12.03p.m..I told myself to stay calm and accept whatever result that might come out.. And... Alhamdulillah I got the place :D Yeayyy I manage to become a part of the U's family :D I am so grateful for this chance and that I am selected.. This has been my dream since I was 18 and Alhamdulillah Allah give me chances to feel all this.. Trust HIS plans and everything will be ok :'D:'D.   I was just too happy at that time that I screamed and can't believe that I have the chance to be one of the students :D Later I called my mom and my father and then I told him and my friends.. My parents were the happiest person at that time.. I had this good feeling of "Yes finally I can make you both happy and proud with me" :'DDDD It was the best feeling ever to see your parents happy because of you... It is just something that money can't buy :'D




I'll be leaving on this 31st August and will certainly will have to get through the orientation day(s). My blog will surely not going to be as active as how it used to.. :D






Hai mama abah.. Nanti mesti rindu nak balik selalu.. Nak duduk rumah takde kerja apa2.. Nak keluar jalan2 time weekend.. Nak makan sedap2 mama masak.. Nak cerita macam2 dengan abah bila abah balik kerja.. Nak tunggu abah depan pintu pastu berdiri belakang pintu kejutkan abah time abah balik kerja... :( (huwaaaa)


Hai arukas.. I might leave after this but.. Remember that I'll always bring "you" and "us" too kat sana and everywhere I go :D We will get through this..






Pray for me.. Assalamualaikum :)

Ayat Murah Rezeki.

Selain itu,

2- Solat dhuha

3- Bersedekah

Hai Nabilah Athirah bt Ferdaus. Hai!!!

Assalamualaikum.

Entri ini ditujukan buat....

NABILAH ATHIRAH BT FERDAUS.



Raya kali ini terasa sungguh bermakna bagi aku..Pertama, aku dapat rasa erti penatnya melayan tetamu yang datang and that means aku kena pandai start conversation dengan orang. Aku jenis kekok sikit nak start bercakap dengan orang yang aku tak kenal. Haritu ada saudara jauh datang beraya. Mak dan makcik aku tengah sibuk di dapur dan tinggal aku je kat ruang tamu masa tu.. Dan aku pakai tshirt hahaha sebab dah petang masa tu. Pastu aku macam "alamak eh ape aku nak buat ni.." untuk beberapa saat.. Lalu aku terus je duduk kat sebelah dorang and berborak macam aku kenal je. Padahal tak kenal pun! Hahaha aku rasa aku banyak ajak dorang minum je sebab dari situ nampak macam friendly sikit walaupun aku tahu dorang rimas sebab aku asyik ajak haha. Nasib baik la dorang pun banyak tanya aku pasal apa aku buat sekarang and pasal diri and family aku kalau tak krik krik je aku je yang tanya dorang.




Kedua, aku buat kerja gila pergi Bukit Beruntung beraya rumah bestfriend hihihi. Ok memang tak jauh kalau nak dibandingkan km dari Taiping ke KL tapi ianya adalah sesuatu yang gila bila aku pergi sana tanpa beritahu mak! Sebab kalau beliau tahu mana mungkin aku akan sampai ke sana.. Silap2 masa aku baru nak masuk DUKE beliau dah call suruh balik. Maafkan saya mak, setahun sekali je anak mak buat camni huhu. Lalu aku pergi jelah dengan aku cakap kat mak aku nak pergi beraya.. Abah ok je, dia selalu faham and percaya dengan anak dia hihi. Aku rasa abah tahu aku pergi sana tapi beliau buat-buat tak tahu sebab aku banyak kali tanya beliau pasal DUKE, Rawang and nak exit mana. Abah sangat memahami :) Nasib baik jugak mak tak tanya aku nak pergi mana. Sepanjang perjalanan tu kan, aku tawakal je dalam hati supaya Allah ampunkan aku sebab aku tak cakap kat mak and aku berdoa supaya takde jadi apa-apa kat tengah jalan.. Aku nampak je nombor PLUS aku hafal hahaha! Aku juga berdoa supaya tayar kereta aku dalam keadaan yang baik sebab kalau pancit aku tak reti tukar haha! Pastu aku juga berdoa supaya tak ada anak kucing terlekat dalam enjin kereta aku and akan menyebabkan enjin aku rosak dan mati tengah jalan sebab ada berlaku kat penang haritu.. Kesian kucing tu :(  Macam-macam aku fikir masa drive. Aku juga berdoa supaya bila aku lalu di kawasan voltan tinggi tu, kereta aku tak kena bakar dengan elektrik hahaha! Alhamdulillah sampai akhirnya kat rumah dia. Agak jauh dari rumah aku. Sejam lebih. Eh memang jauh haha. Aku ingat dekat je, sampai Sg Buloh ingat dah dekat pastu tak nampak lagi exit Rawang ke ape2. Akhirnya sampai Alhamdulillah. Aku rasa tahun depan atau bila-bila aku nak pergi rumah dia, aku akan beritahu mak aku. Cuma kali ni je yang aku rasa nak pergi sangat sebab nak jumpa susah. Dah la dia belajar kat Kuantan..



Sedikit throwback zaman dulu-dulu.
Tak kenal maka tak berkawan la kite!




Aku macam tak suka dia tau dulu. Dia pengawas and aku tak suka dia aku tak tahu kenapa haha! Pastu memori kerusi membuatkan kami rapat.. Kami sekelas and waktu tu baru masuk la kan. Pastu kerusi semua orang dah duduk and then kami berdua je tak duduk lagi. Keluar dari kelas and cari kerusi berdua.. See dengan orang yang aku tak suka haha! Lama-kelamaan aku pun tak tahu macam mana aku boleh rapat dengan dia. Sebab sikap and perangai kami jauh beza.. Macam langit and bumi. Jauh sangat kuasa 100juta haha. Aku pendiam and dia tak. Dia memang tak pendiam langsung hahaha! Introvert kawan dengan extrovert.. Kau rasa camne? Haha tapi dia baik sangat, and dia suka gelak tiba-tiba. Macam aku tengah cerita apa-apa kan, dia akan gelak tiba-tiba and then aku pun akan pelik eh asal dia ni gelak.. Pastu dia akan cakap yang aku buat lawak padahal bila masa aku buat???!! Aku tengah cerita ni!!!
Ni la dialog aku setiap kali aku dengan dia bercerita.. Suka sangat cakap aku buat lawak haha sebab tu aku baru faham maksud "bestfriends laugh at your stupid jokes" :'D




Masa 2007-2009, aku suka pergi rumah dia dulu. Balik je sekolah aku mesti pergi rumah dia lepak sampai petang.. Hampir setiap hari so dunia aku masa tu macam aku cuma ada family aku dan dia.. Itu je yang aku tahu masa tu. Aku macam seolah-olah tak pedulikan orang lain janji ada dia, semuanya ok. Benda ni mungkin sebab aku takde kakak or adik perempuan hehe..





Sampai la masanya dimana, dia berpindah ke Rawang masa Form 4..aku sedih gila. Aku ingat lagi hari last sebelum esoknya dia ke sana. Aku jenis tak nangis kalau depan-depan.. Tapi balik rumah air terjun! Hahaha sebab masa tu aku fikir nanti aku takde kawan. Sape nak kawan dengan orang pendiam macam aku. Sape nak duduk sebelah aku dalam kelas. Sape nak main lipat-lipat tisu pastu tulis NASA means Nabilah Athirah and Elysa Sofia. Sape nak pegang tangan aku bawah meja sambil cikgu mengajar kat depan kitorang boleh buat bodoh main camtu hahaha! Serius ni yang paling tak boleh diterima. Aku dengan dia duduk paling depan sekali tau dalam kelas. Meja tengah pulak tu. Cikgu selalu berdiri depan meja kitorang and kadang-kadang memang mereka letak buku mengajar atas meja kitorang. Tapi entah la masa tu kitorang macam dalam dunia sendiri, tak kisah apa persepsi orang lain bila dua-dua selamba badak je berborak, conteng-conteng, gelak-gelak DEPAN CIKGU YANG MENGAJAR PASTU CIKGU TU TAK TEGUR HAHAHA. Aku tak pasti samada cikgu tu perasan dan dia buat dek atau memang dia tak perasan hahaha. Pastu aku sedih sebab nanti takde sape nak pergi kantin sama-sama. Kalau pergi mana-mana mesti aku cari dia.. Tak complete takde dia. Aku jadi gelabah bila dia takde. Pastu kan waktu tu aku fikir sape yang aku boleh pergi rumah dia and duduk kat rumah dia and makan kat rumah dia macam family dia family kau jugak.. Aku happy gila dengan dia sebab dua-dua mak ayah ok je Ya Allah happynya dulu :') Pastu kitorang ada memori yang sangat gila dan memalukan.. Yang hanya kami je tahu hahaha! Malunya bila fikir balik :'D




Bermula Form 4 masa tahun 2010, dia dah takde. Aku teruskan kehidupan aku seperti biasa. Aku nampak je rumah dia, aku termenung lama-lama. Sedih gila waktu tu.. Kemudian aku dijemput ke rumah dia untuk beraya tahun bila entah. And dia kenalkan aku dengan bestfriend dia.. Aku sedih! Haha kenapa la kau ada kawan baru.. Kau tak sayang aku dah ke.. Typical thinking aku masa tu :')




Kemudian tahun demi tahun, kawan silih berganti ada yang datang ada yang pergi.. Dulu setahun sekali je contact sebab dua-dua awkward nak start mesej. And sebab aku rasa dia dah ada bestfriend baru so aku ingat dia mesti dah happy dengan yang baru and lupakan aku hahaha! Lama-lama dah ok balik and baru-baru ni dia kata kat aku..






"Kau sorang je yang tak tinggalkan aku sa..yang lain tinggal bila dah ada kawan baru. "



"Ala biasa la tu.. Aku pun pernah kena tinggal jugak.. Bila kita anggap dia bestfriend, dia pergi kat orang lain.. Aku rasa tu biasa..mula2 sedih la tapi bila kau dah selalu jumpa kawan baru, benda tu biasa.. "


" Tula.. Aku sorang2 je kat sana. Kawan tu ada tapi takde yang macam kau. Kau je yang sabar and dengar aku cerita.."


"Kau takde bestfriend ke kat sana? Kau cari la kawan.. Tapi jangan lupa aku haha. "


" Ada tu ada.. Tapi kalau kau, kau dengar je aku cerita, dorang mesti potong cakap pastu aku macam tak puas cerita so aku diam je.. "


"Hahahaha yeke.. Aku memang suka diam je. Kau pun sama bila aku cerita kau diam and tak potong cakap so bagus la kita haha" 



*dan dia pun terus menyambung cerita pasal kehidupannya di sana (emojinangisgelak)





Dan aku mula sedar, walau macam mana lain pun perangai kalau dah serasi serasi la jugak! Dan aku jugak mula faham, kawan baik @ bestfriend tak semestinya selalu kena contact. Nak jadi bestfriend bagi aku susah.. Ianya ibarat macam mencari teman hidup. Kalau cinta, kita panggil soulmate yang ni dipanggil soulsister atau soulfriend. Aku rasa sesuai soulsister kot hehe hai nasmidahhhh :p So nak cari orang yg betul2 serasi and faham kau tu bukan senang.. Dan hargai lah kalau dah jumpa :)



Aku kalau jumpa dia, aku cuma awkward selama 0.0005 saat je sebab dia mesti gelak tiba2 hahaha. Semoga kita tetap berkawan sampai ke akhir hayat Nabilah Athirah bt Ferdaus. Kau kawan terbaik aku, dan iols nak jadi VVIP di majlis kahwin kau nanti hihi





Selamat berlapan tahun berkawan. Lapan tahun tak payah kira pun takpe sebab kalau dah serasi, kenal seminggu pun dah boleh rasa semua :)



Assalamualaikum aku harap ko tak baca! Haha

Think sleep. Repeat

I distanced myself from my hobbies.
I distanced myself from some of my friends, or even him.
I didn't text people like how I used to.
Whenever there was a text, I like to just read them and put my phone away from me. I kinda prefer sleeping rather than looking at the phone.. Even if this last for just one day because I used to be a chain-phone-user.
I uploaded some pictures on my ig just to hide everything.
I didn't read novels..
I didn't watch tv..
I didn't listen to music.. Once in a week. Yes, currently.
I didn't feel excited for my degree.
I didn't feel excited for my upcoming convo.
I didn't feel excited whenever I went out with anyone. Even him currently.. And that explained everything why I felt sleepy this evening.
I didn't feel excited for my cousin's wedding.
I didn't feel excited for my upcoming birthday.
I didn't feel excited about almost everything.. Everything.
I no longer mix with new people or my neighbours. I run whenever I saw them and pretend like I was in rush to get in home.
I think I'm starting to become a full time introvert.. again. Like how I used to 8 years back.



All I did now is- THINK and sleep. Repeat.
I don't know what are the things that running in my mind..
But I keep thinking..
I'm not quite sure if I did feel anything..
It was like everything is mixing up.




Think, sleep. Repeat.

What I need now

Going to UPM's park where the Lagenda Budak Setan's movie took place. A big tree, a wide area and just me looking up to the sky.

Only me and HIM.


I need space.
I mean, by looking at the 'sky'  is space itself..
What nonsense am I talking about kbye